My Journey to Leanness

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All my life I have struggled with body image, always feeling not good enough or like I could lose some extra weight. Sometimes I felt beautiful, sometimes I didn’t but it was always the times that I was the leanest that I felt the best. I had this feeling of exhileration, knowing that I had worked hard on my body to bring it to this place.

Everytime though, I would be derailed by inconsistency.

This time, there will be no inconsistency. I have employed a coach to help me with my journey and will be starting tomorrow. I am of the age and the independence where I can now fully throw myself into this challenge! I buy my own food, I live alone- nothing can stop me but me.

And I am going to do it.

My plan:

  • Gym 5x per week lifting weights (3 days on lower body and 3 days on upper body)
  • Cardio 6x per week (skipping when I can, otherwise another interval training style)

My Goal:

  • I am going to reach 17% body fat in time for my cruise on December 5th, 2015
  • I am going to enter a bikini competition around March next year depending on when there is one in Sydney.

NOTHING will stop me from achieving my goals.

I look forward to keeping you updated.

Madi xx

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A Short (and premature) Update on how mirrors affect self- esteem and weight loss progress.

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Isn’t it amazing how much seeing our reflection can make a difference to our perception of ourselves?

Last night was my first pole class at my new studio. While there were very few mirrors, the ones that existed definitely made everyone look wider than they were. For someone who used to suffer an eating disorder and is trying to banish fat, this was definitely not a very encouraging or beneficial thing to see.

I am in the process of avoiding mirrors because I always expect to see instant results and I don’t want my perception of “progress” to be wholly judged by my appearance. So when I see myself, looking the same as always after doing a hard workout, I often become demotivated and binge or give up. Which is totally counter productive. So in order to avoid this phenomenon, I am trying to avoid mirrors.

In fact this “mirror disappointment” was so strong that a couple of months ago, I quit my gym membership over it. I was finding that every time I went to the gym, I would go home and binge, but if I worked out from home then I would be fine. I eventually managed to figure out that it was the “mirror disappointment” phenomenon that was causing it. It was made even worse by the fact that other people in the room were skinnier/ more toned etc.

The main problem is though, not the mirror, but my perception. I always perceive myself as larger than I am and so while at that time I saw myself as a huge fat walrus, it couldn’t have been further from the truth. Retrospectively I realised that I really looked quite good. (see featured image)

Unfortunately, my eyes and mirrors don’t really get along so I needed to take drastic measures and avoid them (at least when partially clothed) most of the time!

So here I was, working out from home and enjoying myself and I went to the pole studio and BAM! fat. fat everywhere. (even though most likely that is not what I look like)

So I know I am just going to have ‘woman up’ in a highly feministic (note: I am not a feminazi) pole dancer way. My stage name is “iron lady” afterall.

The mirror doesn’t matter. It’s what goes on behind the scenes that matters. If your body is healthy then your reflection will show it. But health doesn’t necessarily mean what is ‘in vogue’ as far as bodies are concerned. Health for one person could be overweight, underweight or ‘normal’, and it’s the actions that count anyway. Health is more than appearance, health is being well rounded and enjoying life as well as working out and having fun and being social.

I’m aiming for healthy and with some luck will get toned along the way!